After attending the Introduction to Psychotraumatology Workshop earlier in February, organized by Trauma Therapy Association, facilitated by Sudha who is one of our directors here at ABRI, I thought it would be good to talk about small ‘t’ trauma, which is the overlooked side of trauma in society. The term “trauma” often conjures images of dramatic events like accidents, abuse, or war experiences. Those are called big ‘T’ Trauma and is a perfectly warranted name as it depicts the severity of the incidents. However, beneath the surface lies a subtler yet equally significant form of trauma – the small ‘t’ traumas.
Okay, let’s define trauma first and here we will use the explanation by Gabor Maté, a leading expert in trauma and addiction. ‘Trauma is not what happens to you, it’s what happens inside you as a result of what happened to you’ is his definition of trauma. If that definition doesn’t speak to you, he also describes trauma as not merely a series of events but rather the body’s response to those events. In his view, trauma encompasses not only major life-altering incidents but also the accumulation of smaller, seemingly insignificant experiences that shape our perceptions and behaviors.
What exactly are these smaller, seemingly insignificant experiences? Small ‘t’ traumas refer to the everyday stressors, disappointments, and emotional wounds that may not individually appear traumatic but gradually accumulate over time, eroding one’s sense of safety and well-being.
Examples of small ‘t’ traumas and fair warning, it is a long list:
1. Parental conflict: Witnessing frequent arguments, hostility, or emotional tension between parents can be distressing for children and create an unstable home environment.
2. Parental criticism: Receiving consistent criticism or negative feedback from parents, even if well-intentioned, can erode self-esteem and contribute to feelings of inadequacy.
3. Lack of emotional support: Growing up in a family where emotions are not openly discussed or validated can leave individuals feeling emotionally neglected or unsupported.
4. Unpredictable or inconsistent parenting: Inconsistent discipline, unpredictable reactions from parents, or frequent changes in routines can create feelings of insecurity and anxiety.
5. Sibling rivalry: Persistent rivalry, competition, or conflict with siblings can lead to feelings of resentment, jealousy, and low self-worth.
6. Parental substance abuse: Living with a parent who struggles with substance abuse can create chaos, unpredictability, and feelings of shame or embarrassment for the child.
7. Neglect: Physical neglect, emotional neglect, or lack of supervision can leave children feeling unloved, uncared for, and vulnerable.
8. Divorce or separation: The breakup of parents’ relationship can be traumatic for children, leading to feelings of abandonment, confusion, and grief.
9. Experiencing parental illness or mental health issues: Having a parent who is chronically ill or struggles with mental health issues can create additional stress and responsibility for children, impacting their emotional well-being.
10. Financial instability: Growing up in a financially unstable household, experiencing poverty, or frequent financial stress can lead to feelings of insecurity, shame, and worry about the future.
11. Bullying: Being constantly teased or bullied by peers.
12. Microaggressions: Experiencing repeated microaggressions based on factors such as race, gender, or sexual orientation.
13. Bullying: Persistent bullying at school, work, or in social settings can be a form of small “t” trauma. It can cause emotional distress, low self-esteem, and anxiety.
14. Work-related stress: Constant pressure, high expectations, or a hostile work environment can lead to feelings of inadequacy, burnout, and anxiety.
15. Discrimination: Experiencing discrimination or prejudice based on race, religion, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, or other factors can impact one’s sense of safety and belonging.
16. Medical procedures: Some medical procedures or treatments, especially if painful or invasive, can be traumatic. This could include surgeries, dental procedures, or diagnostic tests.
17. Loss of a job: Sudden unemployment or loss of financial stability can lead to feeling significant stress, uncertainty, or feelings of failure.
18. Cyberbullying: Harassment, threats, or humiliation online can have a significant impact on mental well-being, causing anxiety, depression, and feelings of isolation.
19. Academic pressure: Excessive academic pressure, such as intense competition, high expectations from teachers or parents, or fear of failure.
Were you previously aware that these things could be traumatic? If you didn’t, you’re not the only one. That’s because we live in a culture that constantly overlooks and has largely normalized these experiences, despite how deeply wounding these experiences can be. Our culture tends to prioritize visible, dramatic forms of trauma while dismissing or minimizing the significance of subtler emotional wounds.
Have you ever seen social media content laughing at or downplaying another person’s hurtful experience? Or even people calling other people too sensitive when they speak up about a hurtful experience?
Let’s not forget the societal pressures to maintain a facade of strength and resilience may lead individuals to downplay their own experiences of distress. How many of us came from households that told us to ‘toughen up’ or ‘suck it up’ or that ‘that’s how life is’ when we had these painful experiences? How many of us have been in workplaces that repeat these same messages? How many of us turn to self-blame without taking into consideration the systems that we live in and how these systems perpetuate trauma?
Unlike big ‘T’ traumas that often trigger immediate and recognizable symptoms, small ‘t’ traumas can be likened to invisible wounds that tend to operate beneath the surface, quietly shaping one’s beliefs, behaviors, and relationships. Over time, these accumulated wounds can manifest in symptoms such as anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, or difficulties in forming healthy connections with others.
It is also important to note that to no fault of theirs, even loving parents can unknowingly inflict small ‘t’ traumas on their children. This explains why there are a good number of people who come into therapy saying they had a very loving home yet they struggle with all kinds of things that tell trauma-trained therapists they’ve experienced small ‘t’ traumas.
Recognizing the impact of small ‘t’ traumas is the first step towards healing. By acknowledging and validating these experiences, individuals can begin to unravel the layers of pain and reclaim agency over their lives. A safe space to explore and process these hidden wounds would be in therapy with a trauma-informed or trauma-trained therapist. Therapy offers tools and support for building resilience and fostering emotional well-being. Our therapists at ABRI are trauma-informed and we have a few EMDR-trained therapists who can help you process trauma at a deeper level.
Small ‘t’ traumas, even though they’re not always easy to notice, can have a big impact on how people see themselves and deal with the world around them. Our hope is to build awareness of trauma, especially the overlooked and normalized experiences that can inflict trauma, so that we can create a more understanding and compassionate culture that values healing and resilience.
If you are interested to read more about trauma, there is a deep and informative interview with Gabor Mate published by The Guardian.
For mental health professionals who are interested in learning more about small ‘t’ trauma, mind-body connection, attachment, childhood experiences and how they affect us in adulthood, I would highly encourage you to attend the Introduction to Psychotraumatology Workshop in August 2024.
Written by Weii Yie
Weii Yie is an associate therapist at ABRI where she primarily provides therapy to adults and adolescents. Her love for writing and passion for mental health are translated into these blog posts. Read more about who she is as a therapist on the Team page.