“Therapy isn’t for me.” Is this phrase familiar to you? We hear it all the time and we thought it was time to explore the reasons therapy might not be ‘for me’.
Therapy can be empowering and greatly healing for many. However, it’s crucial to acknowledge that therapy may not always yield the expected results. We’ll explore some common reasons why therapy might not work for everyone, shedding light on potential roadblocks that individuals may encounter along their path to healing, and what to do about them.
- Mismatched Therapist-Client Relationship:
One of the most significant factors influencing the effectiveness of therapy is the relationship between the therapist and the client as mentioned in our post on ‘how to choose the right therapist’. If there’s a lack of connection, trust, or understanding, the therapeutic process may be hindered. It’s essential to find a therapist whose approach aligns with your needs and whose personality complements your own (note that complement is not equivalent to same/similar). A mismatch can create a barrier to open communication and affect the development of a therapeutic alliance. There is nuance in this point because sometimes it is the client who finds it hard to trust or ‘finds fault’ in every therapist. If this is the case, it would be advisable to bring this up with your therapist, and while we recognize how hard it can be to bring it up, this may be an important step to progressing therapy.
- Unrealistic Expectations:
Setting unrealistic expectations for therapy is another common reason therapy might not work as intended. Therapy is not a quick fix, and progress takes time. If you expect immediate results or a complete resolution of your issues after a few sessions, you may feel disheartened and discontinue therapy prematurely. Sadly, this is what we as therapists encounter a lot of the time. It’s important to recognize that personal growth is a gradual process that requires commitment and patience. Some days it may even be ‘one step forwards, two steps back’ but it doesn’t necessarily mean you are regressing or that therapy is not working.
- Lack of Active Participation:
For therapy to be effective, active participation from the client needs to happen. Merely attending sessions without engaging in self-reflection, homework assignments, or implementing coping strategies outside of therapy may not be enough. Therapists typically give homework for a reason but if you really struggle with it or you don’t enjoy it, you are allowed to share this with your therapist. Those one or two hour therapy sessions can only help so much; it is the time spent outside of therapy practicing what you have learned or self-reflecting that contributes to therapy progress. As a reminder, therapy is a collaborative effort, and those who actively involve themselves in the process are more likely to experience positive outcomes.
- Resistance to Change:
Resistance to change is a natural human response, and it can manifest as a reluctance to explore uncomfortable emotions or make necessary lifestyle adjustments. It is just too scary to move out of something comfortable, even if the comfort zone is also hurtful! We get it. Some individuals may resist delving into deep-seated issues, fearing the emotional discomfort that may arise, but that’s what the safety in therapy is for. Therapists can help navigate this resistance and discomfort, at the client’s pace, but it requires a willingness on the client’s part to confront and address these challenging aspects of their lives.
- Inadequate Communication:
Here is where we want to highlight the importance of communicating with your therapist. If individuals struggle to express themselves or fail to communicate their needs, therapists may have difficulty tailoring the treatment approach. The therapeutic relationship is unlike other relationships in that you are allowed to speak your mind without fear of judgment or criticism. Oftentimes clients might say something like, “I don’t want to offend my therapist or make them feel bad”. While that is considerate of the client, they also miss the opportunity to have open and honest communication about expectations, concerns, and progress, all of which are necessary for overcoming obstacles and fostering a trusting therapeutic relationship. If it helps, you can start by writing your therapist an email or message after the session instead of saying it in person! As you build up the courage and safety in sessions, you can start to speak up.
- Lack of Consistency:
Consistency is key in therapy. Skipping sessions or irregular attendance can disrupt the momentum of the therapeutic process. Life events may occasionally interfere, but consistent participation increases the chances of healthy and sustainable progress. Clients who prioritize and commit to attending regular sessions are more likely to experience the long-term benefits of therapy. If finances or timing are an issue, you can bring that up with your therapist and see if there is any possible workaround.
7. Seeking the Wrong Mental Health Professional:
More often than not, people need to see a licensed counsellor or a clinical psychologist but because of their confusion or lack of awareness, they may go to a psychiatrist first. A psychiatrist generally provides diagnoses and prescribes medication, rather than spending time on talk therapy. Medicating symptoms can be helpful for some but for many, it does not alleviate the problems in the long term. That is where therapy is different from medication. You can read more about the different mental health professionals in Malaysia.
While therapy has the potential to be a transformative and healing experience, it’s important to recognize the reasons therapy might not work. A successful therapeutic journey requires a genuine connection between therapist and client, realistic expectations, active participation, a willingness to change, effective communication, and consistent commitment. What have you personally encountered in your therapy journey? Do any of these reasons sound familiar to you?
Written by Weii Yie
Weii Yie is an associate therapist at ABRI where she primarily provides therapy to adults and adolescents. Her love for writing and passion for mental health are translated into these blog posts. Read more about who she is as a therapist on the Team page.