During my internship here in ABRI Integrated Mental Health, I was introduced to a book titled “Family Ties that Bind”. This book is really interesting as it talks about how families function and what you can do to change the way you act in your family and with other people. In one of the chapters, it mentioned that most people feel peace when two people seek for the same thing at the same time. When differences emerge, we might feel anxious; therefore, there is a tendency for most people to perceive individual differences as a threat in relationships. While facing these individual differences, we might try to make the other person more like us. And when we failed to do so, we feel nervous. This is when people start to accuse the other person as the cause of their anxiousness.
With this piece of knowledge in mind, I reflected on my relationships. I realized this pattern of behavior does exist. Although I am aware that everyone has different opinion, preferences and personality, it was still hard for me to accept and deal with the differences. I was getting used to seeing them through the lenses of my eyes, instead of seeing them as an unique individual. Somehow, I would accuse them for being different and try to convince the other person that my way is the better way. This particular chapter about sameness really is an eye opener. Many of the issues in my past relationship were brought to the surface. I finally get to see why things happened the way it happened. I came to the realization that, in situation like these, no one is the bad person. Instead, we are just trying to cope with the differences in our own way. It is always good to be able to reflect on the past. Now that I am aware of this, I will try to embrace the differences I have with other people, for the betterment of ourselves.
By Li Ann,
If you are interested in the book, you can click the link below: https://www.amazon.com/Family-Ties-That-Bind-self-help/dp/1770400869